Her After: The Journey Back to Me
Part 1: The Unraveling
Before I became a mother, I was already unraveling.
I was in a relationship that was actively failig– held together by hope, fear, and the belief that maybe children would save us. We thought becoming parents would heal what was broken. It didn’t. Instead, it exposed every crack. I went through most of my pregnancy alone, emotionally abandoned in a time that was supposed to be sacred. It was devastating.
Part 2: The Fog of Survival
After my boys were born, postpartum depression wrapped itself around me like a fog. I was physically present, but emotionally absent. I was surviving, not living. I look back at photos and videos from their first year and realized how disconnected I was. Those memories feel distant, like watching someone else’s life. I was out of touch with myself, lost in the chaos of motherhood. I didn’t know how to do it. But I knew I had to.
Part 3: The Decision to Rise
When they turned one, something shifted. I looked at them–really looked — and knew I couldn’t keep pretending. I had been doing the inner work quietly, slowly, painfully. And now, it was time to act. I chose to separate. It was terrifying. I didn’t plan for single motherhood. I didn’t know how to do it. But I knew I had to.
Part 4: Rock Bottom Again
Two babies. One me. NO BACKUP. I had to figure out how to work full-time, find daycare I could trust, manage evry doctor’s appointment, every fever, every milestone–alone. My health was depleting, my boys were affected by my mental absence, and everything felt impossibly hard. I was suffering in silence, trying to hold it all together while falling apart inside.
I reached a point where I knew: I had to sink or swim. And so I swam like hell–for my life, for my boys, for the woman I knew was still somewhere inside of me.
Part 5: The Rebuilding
I started over.
I joined communities where I could connect with other moms and feel a sense of normalcy. I listened to stories, shared my own, and found comfort in knowing I wasn’t alone. I learned from women who had walked through fire and came out glowing. They reminded me that I am more than a mother. I am a woman with depth, with dreams, with a soul that deserves to be seen.
I hadn’t realized how far I’d drifted from myself. My inner being was buried beneaht layers of survival and pain. So I began to dig. I invested time in things that sparked curiosity and joy. I picked up a paintbrush for the first time and let colors speak where words couldn’t. I explored creative arts– something I’d never done before– and found healing in expression.
I joined exercise classes, not just for my body, but for my mind. I needed movement, release, clarity. I signed up at a local library and discovered a treasure trove of resources–family events, field trips, story times, all free and full of life. We explored our city, found new parks, chased sunsets, and sank into the beauty of nature. It became our therapy, our joy, our way back to light.
Part 6: Her After
From that point forward, I found a rhythm. I found joy. I made it work.
People began to call me “the resource queen”– a title I wore with pride. I became known for always finding a way through any triumph or struggle. I was the mom who knew where the free events were, who had the hacks for daycare, who could turn a tough day into an adventure. It was encouraging, even though few truly understood the depth of the struggle behind the smile.
But I knew. And the was ENOUGH.
I started over again. And again. And AGAIN. Because life doesn’t stop throwing curveballs. But now, I catch them with grace. I still face challenges. I still have hard days. But I’ve grown. I’m GROWING. I’m HEALING. I’m REDISCOVERING.
Her After is not just my story –it’s a movement. It’s for every mother who has lost herself in the chaos and is ready to rise. It’s for the woman behind the role, the soul behind the schedule, the heart behind the hustle.
You are not JUST SURIVIVING. You are BECOMING.